Tonight is Rib Off Eve. It's a night that for the last 12 years has found me putting the finishing touches on what I believed to be the best BBQ sauce in the world. Time for printing out table tents, magnets, making t-shirts with my catchy new sauce name.
Instead I'm sitting here in the back yard, thinking about my study strategy for the upcoming MicroEcon/International Trade final exam. My thoughts are constant interrupted by fantasies of kicking Big Daddy's ass and winning First Place like I did that first year. Alas, it is not to be.(Cash has taken on a new importance to me and those tuition bills are a little more intimidating than they were the first time - I don't have as much time left to pay all of it off. )
The Rib Off, for those fans who are not familiar, is a yearly competition hosted by Chinese Chicken Salad in which a large number of our college friends convene in Bowling Green, Ohio with grills, racks of ribs, gallons of homemade bbq sauce and marketing materials. We eat a lot of pork, drink beer and compliment each other on how witty our sauce names are. Allegedly, he who makes the best sauce wins. (I say "allegedly" because I am bitter and paranoid.)
I haven't missed one in 11 years. All of my homework this week had to do with predicting volumes of pork sold and the price of pork sold. It was torture. Since I won't be there this year, these are my predictions for the winners (based on a complex multiple regression computer model with an R-square of .98799):
1. Big Daddy (he's not entering a sauce but hey, like that matters for him. He'll win because his wife is hot - like he always does.)
2. Someone from Columbus (Columbus always comes in second)
3. Someone I've never met.
Damn I'm going to have a hard time getting through the day tomorrow knowing what's going on and that I'm not there. The Rib Off is the only bright spot in this miserable existence known as "late thirties". I will drown my sorrows tonight as I sit here in my 2006 Rib Off T-shirt.
Team Cleveland (and all subsidiaries) ROCKS (still - even though they all have kids and shit).
7 comments:
I can't believe you aren't coming. Now there is no point in me going. You think I am hot? You so crazy, have you been drinking the pucker again? Big daddy is entering, but i think there is no sauce involved. Just a homemade rub. I am so bummed. Man, now I have malaise. Thanks.
You are the ONLY thing he has going for him when it comes to the rib off. RUB. Yeah. He just likes saying RUB. Rhymes with NUB.
Seriously, I am not dealing well with not coming but you know how it is. We've had a rough semester and need to clean up on finals.
I'm just going to sit at home and eat mustard straight from the jar and dream of hanging all over nursepez, cant hardly wait and all the rest. For me it isnt anything to do with the sauce, it's all about the ladies. And gettin a little rub.
Oh yeah, Nurse Pez is milfy.
ok, who is anonymous????
I think anonymous is that Simon B. I hear he's very into moms.
Nice trash talk. I did not realize that the rib off was an opportunity to grope Nurse Pez. To me, it's more than that, and you would have known that had you been in attendance and heard my speech. And your predictions were wrong - should have used the R-square of 250 degrees divided by 1/5th bourbon instead:
1. Someone you've never met.
2. Two previous losers, not from Columbus.
3. Big Daddy and his rub. His ribs were good too.
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