Strange Things Mystifying

The closest I come to religious observance during the Easter holiday is listening to the soundtrack to Jesus Christ Superstar. It's been my tradition for about 10 years now. Some may consider this disrespectful but it is a Passion play after all and I see no problem with enjoying a Jesus that knows how to Rock.

Now, my annual Good Friday Porch Sit and Beer Binge is clearly sacreligious and I'm willing to accept any and all consequences related to that bit of debauchery. I'm greatly looking forward to that tomorrow (although my husband has the day off work, which will seriously hinder my ability to go balls out this year).

It's important to note that I truly believe that no God of mine will ever make me eat fish. I hate fish. Shellfish is fine, just not the non-seabug variety. My God understands that and he has no problem with it. We've discussed it at length.

These are the sorts of comments that make my parents think I am an atheist. They could not be more wrong. I'm not an atheist but I'm definitely not a Missouri Synod Lutheran either. I just have some different ideas regarding faith, spirituality and any answer to the question, "What Would Jesus Do" Example: I believe Jesus would vote Democrat most of the time. He'd be okay with letting gays marry and adopt children. He wouldn't like abortion but he wouldn't be a jackass about it. He'd oppose the death penalty. He wouldn't wear a "WWJD" bracelet and act like an asshole at work.

It's upsetting that people can't talk about religion without getting in a fight over it. It's disturbing that people take whatever they're told by religious leaders as the absolute truth and never bother to question or explore what they think or feel. I get a lot out of my spiritual explorations and its unfortunate that there are very few people I can talk to about this (In fact, I can think of only one.)

I think agreeing to disagree should be worked into the Ten Commandments somewhere. And the whole Easter holiday needs to be reworked. People should have to act out Jesus Christ Superstar at church. More Rocking and Ham, less Fish.

The Wrong Child

Come play with me I whispered to my new found friend
Tell me what it's like to go outside
I've never been
Tell me what it's like to just go outside
I've never been
And I never will

Last night's post got me to reminiscing about REM and the hours of entertainment they have provided to me. Stipe's bizarre stream-of-consciousness lyrics make for great conversation starters, catchphrases and odd interpretations. I had some friends that used to have entire conversations in snippets of REM lyrics.

The Wrong Child is a great example. The song can be interpreted a dozen different ways and any one of them could be the right interpretation. Many years ago, a (different) friend of mine mentioned that he sang this song to his cat. The cat happened to be an indoor cat. The cat never knew what it was like to go outside. And he never would.

Everytime I hear this song I think about a cat sitting on a windowsill inside a house watching birds and children and life pass him by. Having two indoor cats of my own, I can say that they have both had this song sung to them. I'm sure they were not happy about it. No one likes to be made fun of.

I can also say that, when I greet a stranger, I look at his shoes. And I keep my money in my shoes (as in, I try to buy good shoes). I have made friends and dated men based purely on their shoes. Thanks to Stipe for that bit of advice. Converse hightops really tell you a lot about a person.

Tied to the 90's

I finally read Generation X a couple months back. I'm going through a period of complete confusion and lack of direction and I thought maybe it would provide some insight. It didn't.

See, I'm feeling incredibly disconnected and lost and I have no idea what to do about it. All of a sudden, nothing is comfortable. It's like Alice In Wonderland but without the drugs. I've been working hard to try and figure out what's going on, what I need, where I'm going but so far nothing has worked. At this point, I'm just walking around stunned by everything I see or do. One minute the room is getting smaller and the next I'm participating in bizarre tea parties.

I've had periods of transition before where all of a sudden everything is different: friends start changing, I start new hobbies, get a new job, even the air smells different. Eventually everything sorts itself out and life goes on in its new direction. What's different is that in these transition periods the changes always happened TO me. This time, I think the changes need to happen BY me but I'm just not sure what change I need to make in order to regain my balance.

I've thought about new hobbies - photography, Roller Derby, blogging. I've thought about leaving the country. I've thought about getting a new job. I've thought about getting an MBA. I just haven't been able to figure out what the fuck I'm supposed to do. I'm looking for divine guidance but Buddah and Jesus have not been real helpful.

Bottom line is something's going on that's not quite right. Great, now all I can think about is the REM song "Strange". Clearly I will not be solving my problems this evening.

Out of Mind, Out of Sight

I am realizing lately that for a good part of my life, I've felt invisible. I thought that starting a blog would be a way to say what I want to say and, given the size of the Internet, I could greatly increase my chances of someone actually listening to me.

The name of this blog was inspired by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer that I found particularly entertaining. I identified with the villain just a little too much but didn't realize why when I first saw the episode many years ago.

Being older and wiser(?) now, I thought this would be a positive, proactive way to address my issues and talk about what is on my mind. I hope you find it interesting.

If you happen to know me and have found this blog by the clues I provided, thanks for noticing.