Writing regularly is much more difficult than I thought. Part of the challenge is that I don't want anything to do with a computer once the work day ends. Sigh. I hate my job.
This weekend we watched "The Weatherman" starring Nicolas Cage. Very depressing moving. Anyone who knows me knows I don't deal well with depressing movies. It put me in a funk the rest of the weekend.
At the end of the film, Nicolas Cage's character has a little monologue in which he talks about how when you're young, you spend a lot of time thinking about all of your possibilities - everything you could be, everything you could do. As you get older, those possibilities are slowly eliminated until one day, all you're left with is who you are. The true you. In this case, a weatherman.
The concept was quite mind-blowing and this is where my head spent the weekend.
As I approach the big 4-0, I think that is what is happening to me. I'm realizing that I'm not going to be a DJ or supermodel, hip bass guitar chick, famous actress, world traveling businesswoman or any of the million other things I occasionally fantasize about.
I need to find out who I am and accept that. I need to own it and be at peace with it.
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